So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
