Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I am one with the molecules
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
