well you can't waste a boner
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
