Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
