if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
