Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
