bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
