Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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