How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
