i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
