omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
