I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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