sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
