you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
