I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
