When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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