Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
