i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
