I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
