she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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