and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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