Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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