i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
