so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
