took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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