I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
