in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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