Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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