Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
