No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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