So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
