i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
vagina is talking i cant
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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