dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
