All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
