Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think I am morally bankrupt
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
