dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
