suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
