Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
