I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
