I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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