can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
