But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
