I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
