Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
