Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
