i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
