From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
