I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
