I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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