I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
