Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
