If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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