Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
